Historically, December is a difficult month for me, the darkest part of a yearly cycle. My wonderful friend Kristina, who practices Oriental medicine, decided to make a preemptive strike on this low season by prescribing some herbs. The Chinese name is Chai Hu Long Gu Mu Li Wan, but the more exciting, Potions class name for it is Bupleurum Dragonbone Oyster Shell. Already the herbs are taking the edge off.
I typically feel anxiety which rapidly snowballs into paranoia. Fantastical ideas about the people I know and their dark plots against me bloom in my mind. I realize how their supposed friendship was all just an elaborate ruse engineered to destroy me. No one actually cares about me and indeed they wish me harm. So I must be wary and watchful, striking first if I can. I peer out at the world from behind a veil, sensing that some unprecedented event is imminent. I fear that I will fall up into the sky or fly apart into my component molecules. The world fills with weird angles and indictments emanate from magazine ads and YouTube videos.
That’s how it usually goes. But in these past few years of doing actual work on these issues, they haven’t disappeared so much as become familiar monsters which I know how to handle. Having help in these times is an unexpected joy. I typically just go it alone, re-emerging on the other side. So I am very thankful for her.
this probly sounds really depressing, but the other day melissa told me she was scared of santa. i asked her why. she said because santa takes people away. i don’t know why she said that, but she wasn’t wrong.
i guess i didn’t need to post that. it was the year before last that i was pregnant with the twins and lost both my gramma and my cousin for the holidays. i of course lied to melissa and told her santa is ok.
i meant both grammas and a cousin. damn typos. happy thanksgiving 🙂
The most positive thing about the month of December is that on the 21st, you have the shortest day of the entire year. It marks the darkest, longest night. But once the sun rises on the 22nd, each day will continue to shine longer and longer. I view the winter darkness as a period of true hibernation. Sometimes it helps me to mentally mark the Winter Solstice as a chance to awaken from the hibernation and welcome the light.
I am glad to hear you are making progress this year and keeping your head up.
Cheers,
Lanes
This time of year is rough for people. I have a couple of family members who tend to go on big emotional benders every year, like clockwork, between Thanksgiving and Xmas. It’s very hard to be around them, knowing that anything (or nothing) could set them off and make them decide that I’m Satan, or whatever.
good for you for working on it. Let me know if you want to hang out sometime. A bunch of us are going to the 37 1/2 st. Xmas lites on the 17th, and there’s another crew going to the Zilker lites on the 21st.
*hugs* & love.
Like the herb notions… Have you done more acupuncture for this sort of thing? I am now a true believer in that as a wonderful panacea for whatever ails ya….
sending hugs also…